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9 secrets Mark Twain taught me about advertising

“Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.” 

Advertisement is a means by which life is made to appear larger than life through the use of words and images that promise a wish fulfilled, a dream realized, or a problem solved through a way of thinking. A fascinating point Mark Twain made about advertising is one that is followed even by Viagra. 

There are two types of advertising: the worst, one that exaggerates in order to catch your attention, and the other that gets your attention without exaggeration.  The worst examples of this type of marketing are when it simply states a fact or reveals an emotional need, then allows you to leap from “small to large.” 

Examples of the worst sort of marketing include before-and-after photos for weight loss products and cosmetic surgery – both of which descend to almost comic disbelief. The best of Apple’s “silhouette” campaign for the iPod, along with the breakthrough ads featuring Eminem, both of which catapult the iPod to the status of the “instant cool” product.

9 secrets Mark Twain taught me about advertising

“When in doubt, tell the truth.” 

Today’s advertising is filled with gimmicks. Rather than communicating the benefits of a product, they cling to it like a ball and chain, preventing it from moving swiftly ahead of the competition.  The thinking is, if the gimmick is outrageous or silly enough, it’s got to at least get their attention.  

Local car dealer ads are probably the worst offenders–using zoo animals, sledgehammers, clowns, bikini-clad models, and anything unrelated to the product’s real benefit. If the people who thought up these outrageous gimmicks spent half their energy just sticking to the product’s real benefits and buying motivators, they’d have a great ad. What they don’t realize is, they already have a lot to work with without resorting to gimmicks.  

There’s the product with all its benefits, the brand, which undoubtedly they’ve spent money to promote, the competition and its weaknesses, and two powerful buying motivators—fear of loss and promise of gain. In other words, all you really have to do is tell the truth about your product and be honest about your customers’ wants and needs.  

Of course, sometimes that’s not so easy.  You have to do some digging to find out what your customers really want, what your competition has to offer them, and why your product is better.

“Facts are stubborn things, but statistics are more pliable.”

The way you use facts in advertising has to be careful. As any politician will tell you, facts are scary things. There’s no stretch, no flexibility, no room for misinterpretation with them. They’re indisputable, and if used correctly, very powerful. 

But statistics, that’s what advertisers and politicians love. “Nine out of ten doctors recommend Preparation J.” Who wouldn’t agree?   Or “Five out of six dentists recommend Sunshine Gum.” Makes me want to run out and buy a pack of Sunshine right now.  Hold it.  Rewind.  

“Whenever you find you’re on the side of the majority, it is time to reform.”

Let’s take a look at the statistics, which suggest that this apparent majority did come to be.  First of all, how many doctors did they ask before they found 9 out of 10 doctors said Preparation J worked? 1,000? 10,000? In spite of how many dentists hated chewing gum, they relented, saying, “The most common chewing gum has sugar and other ingredients that rot out your teeth, but if he’s going to chew it, he might as well use Sunshine, which has less sugar.” 

Stats can be manipulated to say almost anything, and the devil is in the details.  You’re usually at 5% chance of getting something just by chance. The problem with statistical studies is that they’re often biased and not “double blind” (both subjects and doctors don’t know who gets the test product and who gets the placebo). 

The worst part of statistics is that they usually need to be backed up with legal disclaimers all the time. If you don’t believe me, read the full-page of legally mandated warnings for that weight loss pill you’re taking. Bottom line: stick to the facts.  Make sure you back them up with good selling arguments. 

“The difference between the right word and almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.”

Writing great ad copy means picking the right words at the right times. You want to point out all the advantages your product has to offer, and you want to shine the brightest light on all of them. You also don’t want to give them any reason to leave your argument. 

Make sure every word says exactly what you mean it to say, no more, no less. If they wander, you’re history. They’ll just switch to another website or another TV channel. When a product is new, don’t be afraid to say “new” (it’s only new once, so take advantage).  

“Great people make us feel we can become great.”

While great ads can’t make us feel like we’ll become millionaires, be as famous as Madonna, or be as likable as Tom Cruise, they make us feel like we might be as attractive, famous, wealthy, or admired as we’d like to think we are. Because there’s a “Little Engine That Could” in every one of us that says, under the right conditions, we can beat the odds and catch the brass ring, win the lottery, or sell that book we’ve been working on. 

Advertising that works taps into that belief without going overboard. In a lottery ad once, the image of people sitting on exotic beaches with little beach umbrellas in their cocktails (a perfectly realistic image for the average person) was used with the line: “Somebody’s got to win, so let’s make it you.”

 “The universal brotherhood of man is our most precious possession.”

It’s all about being admired, respected, and loved. We’re all in the same family. You want to feel secure in your life and in your job, so create ads that touch the soul. Create visuals, headlines, and copy that appeal to the soul. It doesn’t matter if you’re selling shoes or software, people will always respond to your offer from an emotional level, no matter what you’re selling.  

As soon as they decide to buy, the justification process kicks in to confirm the decision. So once they believe you’re a human with real feelings for their hopes and wants, they’ll become customers. 

 “A human being has a natural desire to have more of a good thing than he needs.” 

Ain’t it the truth.  More money, more clothes, fancier car, bigger house.  It’s what advertising feeds on. “You need this. And you need more of it every day.” That’s the universal mantra driving consumers to overuse their credit cards. 

How do you tap into this insatiable appetite for stuff? Convince buyers that more is better. You get 60 more sheets with Charmin toilet paper. GE light bulbs are 15% brighter. Colgate has 20% more toothpaste.  Now there’s 25% more raisins in Raisin Brain. When Detroit couldn’t sell more cars per household, they started selling more cars per car – SUVs and trucks got bigger and stronger. Still, they sell giant SUVs that get 15 miles per gallon. 

 “Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.”

Who gets the girl? Why would you spend $900 on a power suit? Or $600 on a pair of shoes if you didn’t know who attracts the sharpest guy? Neiman Marcus knows. Abercrombie & Fitch knows too. From Aristotle to the twentieth century, observers have claimed character is in appearance, pointing out that clothes reveal a lot about the interior and a brand mark of social identity. 

Here’s where the right advertising pays for itself big time. Where you’ve got to have the perfect model (not necessarily the most attractive) and really creative photographers and directors who know how to tell a story, create a mood, convince you you’re not buying emperor’s clothes.

Levis’ black-and-white ad shows a teenager driving through the Czech streets and alleys. Stopping to pick up friends, he gets out of the car wearing just a shirt, and the voiceover exclaims, “In Prague, you can trade them for a car.”

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